and my family

pretty much sucks a big nasty one.
i apparently don't belong in my family anymore.
i'm gonna blow it all out.

and then there was you...

my past few days have honestly sucked.
and i still find a way to smile truly and honestly. theres this one person who can do it for me, i don't even know how. just seeing him makes me smile.
i have no idea why i'm so attracted to him, but i am. so bad.
i was having the worst day today, and somehow he made me partially deal with it.
i'm a super bitch to him, but i just really don't want him finding out how bad i want him.
he'll be gone in a few days, and i don't know what i'm gonna do.
the only reason i'm doing this whole thing is so that i could see him. and it's totally worth it.
no matter how many times i say "i hate you" or "i'm gonna kill myself" i truly love it. its one of the only times i'm happy lately when i'm talking to him.
it's so so so pathetic but its the truth. he's just a chill person to talk to.
and i'm gonna be in so deep when he leaves.
and he'll probably come back in a few months, and i'll go through the same cycle again. except i'll be deeper in that time.
i'm going to sleep, and hoping that tomorrow, thursday, and friday go by really reallly slowly.

thanks,<3

ps- im a super corn ball

lately

i've been feeling that i can't get real with anybody.
that all of the people i try to trust backstab me. and i hate it.

i don't like confrontation, but i happen to bring about it somehow.
i need something stable in my life for once. seriously.
it kind of sucks when all i know is change, and i'm not able to feel something for a long period of time.

..

i need wednesday night.

that is all.

i needed tonight.

i loved it. it was so chill, bowling and then eating
and going out for a drive. i seriously can't wait to get my license and just go around driving, it's gonna be such a release for me. i get my permit in a month and a few days.
i am so excited. ah. :]

good night<3

hey god, i know i'm just a dot in this world have you forgot about me?

today was good until my mother came home. i tried to help out today and fold clothes for her. but nope, she comes home and screams at me for doing it. i'm sick of her always yelling at me for the shit i do. honestly, i'm pretty good compared to some kids i know. i'm not into drugs or shit, i'm doing decent in school, and i want to do something with my life. thats way more than a lot of people i know can say. i apparently do nothing right, and my mother thinks that i'm doing drugs. last week when i went into the emergency room, the first thing she asked me was "what drugs are you taking to make you sick?" the first thing. and yesterday when i got sick and threw up, she asked me what drugs i'm taking again. i'm fucking sick of her shit. honestly i can't deal with her anymore.

i can not wait until i go to college, i swear i'm going as far away as possible. i want to be away from everything and start again. i'm so over everything.

all i need in my life is danielle and moles. and i frankly don't care about anything else right now.


which is a complete lie.

lets burn away our past and set this cruise control for crash

today i've had time to think.
which is probably what i needed. and i needed to think about where i stand in my life. honestly, i have no idea what i want to do with myself right now. i kind of wish there was a rewind button on life. so that i could rewind everything and start all over.
i don't understand why i get so attached, i guess you could say, to people. i mean yeah i like a lot of people, but there are quite a few people that i like more than others. and i was talking to my friend about it today and she said "oh well, you have to stop liking people that are older than you and are taken. its bad for your health." i agree with her. wanting something(one) that is out of your reach isn't good unless you know in the end you can get it(them).

i'm not a big fan of cliques, and i've been seeing them more and more wherever i hang out. i'm the kind of person that tries to be friend with everyone, but it's kind of hard to do when you have bitchy cliques around you. so i try and stick with my friends, but it never works out in the end. can't people just deal with each other? you don't have to like them a lot or anything, just deal with each other. cliques cause drama, and drama causes broken friendships. which sucks.

whatever, i kind of want to go to sleep for a while. actually, no i want to go on a vacation where i don't know anyone at all. to somewhere nice. with a mix of people, that get along. if anyone knows where i can find that, let me know.

oh my. + today

i forgot that someone is coming back in a month or so.
i honestly have no idea how i'm gonna deal with it. which sucks so bad. and i'll probably end up throwing myself into the same ditch that i was in last year at the same time. and i'm not sure how that's gonna go.

hopefully well. hopefully.

today- was boring. i am mucho tiredo and i need to stop school. thanks. :]

<3

this weekend.

this weekend was one of the best yet. i honestly can say that i love each and every person on the 2008 spring antioch team. i was kind of iffy about it first, and im not a big fan of all the drama, but in the end we all pulled it together. this weekend was amazing; from windows that were just a little too small, overloading on starbursts, the "woo hoo" group, judi being a bitch as usual, and sneaking around like always (and a bunch of candidates that we wanted to vote off the island). i got soooo much closer with a bunch of people, and i'm so happy that i had the ability to do that. i'm gonna miss the seniors so much, they made such a difference in my life.
the might not think so, but they have. they are three of the best people that i know, and i am so happy that i have gotten to know them, even if for 6 months.

i love all of you guys, thank you<3

wow..

i can honestly say that since march 20th nothing has happened
whatsoever.

my life is horribly boring.
actually, scratch that. i went to the jonas brothers concert on the 22nd
and did something illegal on the 29th. good life.

but, yeah my life it at a standstill right now until summer. i hate working, i hate school.
i can not wait until june 13.

thank you.