i really dont like this.

at all.
i don't like being scared of my future.

i miss you.

i am SO scared that i won't find what i want in my life.
nothing scares me more than living a meaningless life.

i dont even know what to say about you anymore. i love you. i don't care. i want to be a part of your life. it hurts me to see or know that you're heart broken. i don't like it at all. you deserve to be happy. you deserve all the good things in the world. i don't want to see you hurt. if i could i'd take your pain from you.
be happy so i can be happy.

I've watched you so long, screamed your name, I don't know what else I can say.

today was. a good day.
i spoke to you.
a live you.
i want to do it more often.
i miss you.
you make me smile like nobody else has before.
i am so emotionally mixed up right now.
i can't take it

my name is teresa and ....

i'm addicted to being in love with people who are unattainable.

i don't know where i stand with you and i don't know what i mean to you all i know is that every time i think of you all i want to do is be with you.


sums up my entire life

my open letter to you...

i do not get you whatsoever.
stop talking to me, it would make my life so much easier. go get married. have a baby. i don't care. join the army..........no wait. please don't. move to alaska or hawaii. preferably hawaii so you can be tan. you look nice when you're tan. don't come back and talk to me if you have a girlfriend and you know that i liked/like/love you. don't have an awesome girlfriend and be cute with her. please don't move to long island over the summer. please come back with some feelings towards me. don't let me know that i mean nothing to you. i would go to your funeral if you died, but don't die any time soon. i would die too. please make up your mind by this time next year. don't change when i possibly come back for college. i want you to stay the same. don't ever get nice. i love that you're an asshole and a douchebag. i want to run my fingers along your tattoos. i want you to be my inspiration for my first tattoo. maybe you already are. i want you to be a constant in your life. i want to work with you, as a partner and a friend and as whatever else you'll give to me. i want to know that you'll be there no matter what happens. i want you to be a solid, not moving fixture in my life. give me something to work with, anything. i'll take it openly. please give me back some of what i give you.

that's when i knew that i could never have you. i knew that before you did, still i'm the one whos stupid..

i don't know why my emotions are so fucked up right now. it sucks really badly.
but i'm kinda alright with you never being with me.. i can still want it to happen right?

yeah.. i guess.

""Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss."

i feel really good about everything right now. i feel like i might have a purpose, and i'm really happy about that. i know people are there for me. and i know that i can do things that i didn't think i could. my esteem is raised.

if people don't like me, i won't change for them. i needed a break, and i got it.
<3antioch09

i dont understand

i dont get anything anymore
i dont know why things happen the way that they do.
i wish i knew.
why do you make my head spin?
why do you make me shake?
fuck you.

i feel so weird

i might be okay with not seeing you.
i feel like, this thing might be going away.
i don't know how to feel about it though.

it's weird
i need for you to initiate conversation for once. just once. maybe i would know what's going on with me then.

oh its what you do to me

you make me feel like crying
and killing myself

but i'm in love with you
so much.

you don't even know it and i'm sure if you did, you wouldn't even care.

i can't hate you, but i know that i'm going to have to hate you to get over this.
i'm trying to leave you alone, i'm sorry. i really am, it's just ... not working very well.
i know that i need to stop, but i feel as if you're a drug and i'm hooked on you.

i've never looked back

i miss you so much
i need you.

that's all.

i've got no where else to go

i hate ranting but, here goes.

so basically i'm really not okay.
i hate putting on a smile and pretending that everything's gonna be okay.
i know that it, most likely won't.
i want to feel that i'm wanted, and right now i feel as i'm wanted to go away.
it seems like for all of my friends, everything is falling into place and i'm the only one who is falling apart.

i thought 2009 was going to be a good year. and so far, it's been horrible.
i don't understand why everything happened so fast, and in such a short amount of time.
it hasn't even hit me yet. i try not to think about it, but it seems to linger in the back of my mind.
i have a feeling that things aren't going to get any better any time soon.
i wish that they would, and that my family would be happy and alright again.

i want to run from it all, and start over.
i don't want to sit with the same people all again. i want to start with new people, and start with a new area.
even going away for a few weeks would be really nice right now.
i need something to take me away from everything.
it just hurts.
i have no idea why i'm such a trainwreck, and i know that i should cherish everything that i've been given, but right now i don't know how i'm supposed to deal with things and be so strong
there's one person that can make me like, genuinely happy without even trying
he doesn't know that he does it, and he probably doesn't even care.
but just talking to him, for what 2 seconds or seeing him. would make my day.
you know i'd do it all again for you.
i'm so confused with everything and i don't know when it gets better, but i hope it does soon.
i don't like lying.

shit

you make me feel like shit.
and i'm sure that i'll get over this fucking business and i'll love you again in a few days.
i don't fucking know what this is
or why i feel like this
i shouldn't you don't belong to me.
i wish you did.

i relapsed tonight
i did something that i make fun of people for doing
and i'm an asshole yes,
but it felt so good.

i wish that my life would be simple again.
i want it to go back to normal

right now i feel like i might be dying,
and i'm completely alright with that.
i'm not even going to lie.

you make me feel

so weird
and i love you.
and you're everything that's bad for me.
and i don't know anymore

aside from you, i feel as if my life isn't right anymore.
there's something missing

i love you so much that it hurts my head

.... i said don't mind you under my skin. i'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in.

i miss you and my head hurts. you make me think of things that i've never had to think about before. and i don't know whether it's a good thing or it's a bad thing. i just want everything to be okay. i don't want to love you as much as i do. i wish i didn't have to worry about stupid things like this. i wish you didn't have this effect on me. i just need to spend time with you. a lot of time.

and i want to be able to help everyone who feels badly about anything. i don't want anyone to hurt. is that too much to ask? every person on this planet is put here for a reason, and they are a wonderful person. don't let anyone tell you otherwise. ever.

dear lord

i miss you a hell of a lot
i need to physically be with you
i think i'm in love with you
fuck

across the .. country

i want to go on a road trip with you.
it would be fun
we could live in the car.
and we wouldnt have to worry about anything
and we could stop and make memories in weird places. and visit weird places.

oh that would be fun. very much fun.

lets go sometime

blah

i feel like i'm not even here
it feels weird
and not good

like i'm barely living?
yeah

my entire world

is crashing under my feet.
i can't control it, and i don't know why it's happening.
i need someone to help me out of it.

you.

i don't know where i'm supposed to be, but i feel that you're part of it. i've never felt this way before ever. and it's completely new and weird, and i don't fully understand it. i know that i can't really do much about it. except for try and stick it out. which may be hard, it may be easy. nothing is ever easy in my life though. i fell very hard for you, harder than i've fallen in my life. i'm down on the ground waiting for you to come around. i hate the way you play games with me, but i don't think you know what you're doing. i want a solid person in my life. i don't want someone who will lie to me. i don't want to have to lie to them, i want to be honestly myself. i want someone who will sit with me and just hold me when i need it. someone who cares. i know that you care, but how much? what's your limit on showing affection to me? do you care enough?

mer.

i wish everything would go back to normal.
i miss being like everyone else.

i want you to talk to me when i need to hear you.

i. wish. i. knew.

i wish i knew why you fucking do this to me
every single time it happens, i say i dont get it.
but i let it happen again
and again

you talk to me like you're never gonna talk to me again
and then you drop me for days at a time
you don't answer or anything

i dont understand you
im honestly sitting here wanting to cry
i dont know what i want from you. i just want you

there’s not a siren that can keep me from your window. there's not a pill that could keep you from my mind...

i dont know what you do to me or how you do it.
but you do.
you make me feel so .. different
i love it
and i hate it.
i wish i knew that you could be there for me like i want you to be.
i want us to sleep in the same bed.
not for any reason, just to be next to you
all i want is to be next to you.
to feel that you're there.
and you might want the same
you might not.
i don't know
you're gonna have to let me know
because you're one of the only people that i can't decode
and i can't stand that
i never know what you're thinking or why you're thinking it.

i want to get inside your head and stay there. forever.
i don't want to slip from your mind. ever.