you can't be missed if you never go away..

so, today was valentines day. and i didn't have a valentine again. 

i'm used to it. i don't mind. 

the person that i'd want to be my valentine isn't here anyway. 

i still have my el toro. (hah :|)

i don't know, i want something like all my friends have. its not gonna happen. 

i want to walk around and hold hands with someone, thats what i miss. i don't care about anything else. i just wanna be loved. 

i'd give anything to be with you right now, or to talk to you.

i think that the only way i'd get over you is if you went away for a long time.

last summer, kyle went away to college. i wanted to tell him how i felt. but i didn't. 

i was too scared of his reaction. i was so upset in myself, and i wanted to let him know.

i thought every time i went somewhere, he was gonna be there. 

and i cried every night until i realized he wasn't gonna be around.

and it sucked, honest. i thought i'd go visit him like i wanted to.

nothing ever happened, and i never got my time with him. 

my perfect time with him down the shore. didn't happen. 

"it's the end of a broken heart, i went on without you" 

he was gonna come back for winter break. he did. i wasn't here to see him.

he apparently didn't ask about me, so it wasn't anything special. 

i really do miss him, and i haven't fully gotten over him.

he's always gonna be there in my heart somewhere. 

i'm afraid that you're gonna find out, and then you're gonna leave me too.

so i'm not gonna tell you until i figure out what to do.

i want to be like everyone else. i want to be prettier. i want to be funnier.

i want to be loved. 

i'd rather be friends with you then have you leave me altogether. 

even if you're the biggest asshole, i can't forget about you. you'd have to leave me for a long time. 

and even then you're still gonna be there. 

and maybe i do want you to figure it out, and i can (possibly) have something stable in my life.

i think it would work out. 

we'd be funny. 

but i don't think that you'd want me, when you could have someone else. 

i give enough love, i just want some of it back from somebody. 

my friend's in the same boat, and i feel exactly the way he feels. 

i just don't publicize it. i keep it inside and smile.

what else am i supposed to do? 

"i dont want the world to see me, cuz i don't think that they'd understand.."

ps, i miss you a lot.