okay wow this week

has been so work-filled.
thank god i'm on break, cause i so need it.
i've been spending a ridiculous amount of time in church.
and the new panic at the disco cd completes my life. for real.

:hey moon, please forget to fall down. hey moon, don't you go down:

i'm looking forward to a most amazing aaaaaaaaah next few days.
:] sosososo excited. i'll try to post as much as i can, i know i've been slacking.

but, hell, nobody reads this shit. :]

love the life you've got.

so this week has been stressful

and i havent had time to write.
i know what i want to do with my life, and i think i know my purpose.
i was meant to help people, i do it all the time.
i am constantly helping people that need my help, or any help for that matter.

thursday- nada happened
friday- jessies sweet16, it was so much fun. and i helped someone
saturday- lockin with my youth group, it was so much fun and i love every single one of them. they're some of the best people i know. good times, good times.
sunday- finished lockin and went to stations. learned some fun stuff, and i'm obvious awesome ;]

but i'm happy with my life (almost all of it, minus one thing) right now
:]<3

i lost my phone.

i hate my life.
joeseeeeeeeeeeph makes me really happy. i love that kid sososo much.
not even funny.
good night, minus me losing my phone

i realized that i have it good.

i don't know why i need to complain about anything.
i have it good compared to some people out there. people are living on the streets, with no clothes and no possessions.
i know that i really can't complain about not having someone that loves me in the way i want, because some people out in the world have nobody at all.
i'm truly grateful for what i have been given and what opportunities i have.
and i'm going to make the most of them.

i need to show my true potential. i know what i can do, and i need to work for it.

having said that, i'm off to study chem before i go to bed.

i miss being somebody's baby

i don't know what i want from anyone anymore.
i'm kindof thinking that i'm going to take anything that i can get now.
i'm open, i'm vulnerable, and i'm selfless.
i don't know what i want to, and i will do anything to please someone.
i know that i should be able to live life to the fullest that i can, but i'm not.
i want to go out and get so messed up that the only memory i will have is what people tell me.
i want to live with no cares, but i can't do that when i'm trying to please people all the time.
i aim to please, but i'm not pleased with myself.
am i contradicting myself?

music is my escape.
i can sit here and listen to the same song over and over and it will have a different meaning to me each and every time i listen to it.

i want to changed the world, and i don't know how i can do it. so don't give up on my just yet.

"i'm broke but i will bend for you and i'll be strong enough for the both of us if you need me to. and if given the chance i will prove that this is real. your beauty is truth and i'm starting to feel like i need you. we can share my cigarettes as we walk through town. or i can hold you on the floor and we won't have to make a sound. i move too fast and i get attached to all the things that i lack but maybe that's good, i'm starting to feel like i need you."

i want love

i want to able to have someone that i can walk down the beach with holding hands.
i want to not have a care in the world, because the person i love is holding me.
i am so afraid that i will never get that. i try, and every time i try it seems that i get shut down.

things happen, and people change.
for the better? not so much.
i don't particularly like it, but what can i do about it?
there are some people that i haven't seen in my life that i know would be better people. and they haven't changed in my life since i've known them..
i hate that i get so close to people and think that they're friends with me, and then they turn around and start doing everything without me.

i don't want to be a whiny bitch about everything, because bottom line is: i'm still alive and i'm not really going through any pain in a huge way.
i have nothing that i need to complain about.
i read something before that made me think, and smile.

"Love your life. Every last bit of it.. the good, the bad, the rain, the kissing, the movies, the books, the pretty lights, the runny noses, and water hoses. Shopping malls, and the magic of pen on paper. How you can make words appear as if from nowhere. How you can find love and how love can find you. Nights alone and afternoons with friends. The busiest, most annoying, lackluster day of your life and the fact that you made it through in one piece. Being able to laugh that day off when a worse one comes your way. Sight, sound hope, and the feeling of your feet on the ground. Love it all, because you only get one."

i love it. and i don't hate my life or anything. i'm just not happy with it. i can't complain at all though.

i need to sort out my life.
my mother said i'm unprepared for life, and i agree with her now. even though i fought with her about it before.
i need to know what i'm doing in my life.

ps- he makes me smile without trying. its kind of ridiculous. i'll get over it in a few weeks though, like i always do. its a bad habit i'm trying (not so much) to break.

sorry

i've been so tired and worn out so i havent been up late to post
or i've forgot about it until im laying down in my bed half asleep.

things have been okay the past few days. nothing important.
nothing worth writing about.
my life is a boring story. i need a good plot.

i hate this.

my parents are on my ass about school.
im really stressed right now, and i don't need the all up in my shit about how i need to do this and that.
i can't stand them right now, and i wish i didn't have to deal with them.
90% of my friends are really shitty right now, and i hate it.

i wish i could go to california, or myrtle beach, or florida.
somewhere with a beach that i could live on.
i'd kill to get out new jersey, literally.

this weekend was interesting

and church filled. whatever. over it.

and i wish that i could say i still like you, but for some reason you strike me as an asshole now.
:[ and it sucks, but i'll deal.

i am, as nicole said, a non-practicing whore.
and thats why i love her.