and i'm not going to pretend that i feel the same way i did yesterday.

nothing stays the same, everything changes.

you confuse me so bad.

the end

so i should have known

that life wouldn't be all that i thought it would be.
nothing turns out good at all
and like, i don't know why i thought it would but i did.
and i lead myself on, and i hate it
i do it all the fucking time and i don't understand why i do it
but i guess i just wanted it so bad that i let it take me over

i hate doing this to myself.
fuck

;]

i need you to believe me when i say i want all of you.

so so so bad

balalalalalalalalala

i want to fuck you.

i wanna show you how it (should) end[s]

last night, i felt like i was going to cry.
i don't know if i can stand to be without you for so long.
honestly i have no idea what i'm going to do
i might be a bit overdramatic, but who isn't?
you make me feel so good, i have no idea why but when i'm around you i feel like everything will be okay. even if i know that it won't
you're a big asshole, and you know it. and i love it. and you might know that too.
you confuse the living shit out of me, i can't seem to read you.
there's something about you that i can't figure out.
i want to be with you
in any way, shape, form that i can.
and i know that it might be wrong, but it would be so good.

when you're gone.

todays the last day i'm going to see you.
for a while.
and i don't know what i'm going to do with myself.
i'm not even kidding, it's gonna be like withdrawl.
you're my drug and i'm addicted.

i hate you.
so fucking much
i want you to die, and i want to be the person who kills you.

no one knows except the both of us

i want you.

smoke rings drift into the midnight sky

i love how you're the biggest dick to me ever, but theres something about you.
something about you that makes me want to fuck the shit out of you.
and i'm a brutally honest person.

but you say you only make fun of the people that you like.
you confuse the living shit out of me
and i love it.

:]

hi i want to let you know this.

i'd fuck you six ways from sunday

yeah.

"i'm so over you"

good thing i'm not.

i say im over you, what every other day?
and every time i talk to you, you give me the chills.
fuck.you.and.your.stupid.talk.

why do you do this to me? you penetrate right through me.

in the alley, it ain't that cheap

i love my life.
right now i'm really happy.

and as for this one guy.
i'm over you, go have fun with your little skank freshman. like i care. cuz i don't. i have someone better and maybe when you see what you missed you'll realize she wasn't worth it.

school sucks, psats are tomorrow.

12 days and counting ;] so so excited. no idea.

i havent posted in this thing forever.

life's really good right now. i'm in love with it.
my sweet16 is friday, excited yay.

i'm super happy with my life, lalalal :]

ps- you're way too far away

the past week or so,

has been super amazing. :]
finals sucked, but whatever.
friday night was so much fun :] and then saturday night was even better.


you're back, and i don't know for how long but i love it. thanks for making me smile.

i've been crazy busy lately

with school and what not. i hate it.
and i love it, because of a few people who keep pushing me.

i should really be studying west civ right now, and i'm not hi.

but okay, so i saw someone for the first time in a year. and it was kind of crazy, we just kind of looked at each other like woah and whatever. he's one of the most amazing people i know, and i haven't seen him in a year. he still has the same effect he had on me a year ago, two years ago, and even three years ago. i don't know how he does it, but he does. i thought i was getting over him finally, but i guess i'm not. it's killing me, and i need to do something about it. i missed him so much, it was ridiculous.

i'm gonna go study for west civ now, and yeah so i can stay in school. it would be nice.

:]<3

and then you walk on, baby, walk on, you walk on

i've been alright lately. i've been really happy
my 16th birhtday was on tuesday and it was an amazing day.
i saw someone, and it made my life seeing him on my birthday. its stupid, but it made my day. i feel really comfortable around him, and its kind of good. kind of bad, but hey what can i do about that?

yeah, my friends have been alright. i can't totally complain because i know who i can trust and who i can't. that's all i really need.

i'm happy right now, its gorgeous out. i only wish i was down the shore. otherwise, life's good.

peacelovehappiness:]

and my family

pretty much sucks a big nasty one.
i apparently don't belong in my family anymore.
i'm gonna blow it all out.

and then there was you...

my past few days have honestly sucked.
and i still find a way to smile truly and honestly. theres this one person who can do it for me, i don't even know how. just seeing him makes me smile.
i have no idea why i'm so attracted to him, but i am. so bad.
i was having the worst day today, and somehow he made me partially deal with it.
i'm a super bitch to him, but i just really don't want him finding out how bad i want him.
he'll be gone in a few days, and i don't know what i'm gonna do.
the only reason i'm doing this whole thing is so that i could see him. and it's totally worth it.
no matter how many times i say "i hate you" or "i'm gonna kill myself" i truly love it. its one of the only times i'm happy lately when i'm talking to him.
it's so so so pathetic but its the truth. he's just a chill person to talk to.
and i'm gonna be in so deep when he leaves.
and he'll probably come back in a few months, and i'll go through the same cycle again. except i'll be deeper in that time.
i'm going to sleep, and hoping that tomorrow, thursday, and friday go by really reallly slowly.

thanks,<3

ps- im a super corn ball

lately

i've been feeling that i can't get real with anybody.
that all of the people i try to trust backstab me. and i hate it.

i don't like confrontation, but i happen to bring about it somehow.
i need something stable in my life for once. seriously.
it kind of sucks when all i know is change, and i'm not able to feel something for a long period of time.

..

i need wednesday night.

that is all.

i needed tonight.

i loved it. it was so chill, bowling and then eating
and going out for a drive. i seriously can't wait to get my license and just go around driving, it's gonna be such a release for me. i get my permit in a month and a few days.
i am so excited. ah. :]

good night<3

hey god, i know i'm just a dot in this world have you forgot about me?

today was good until my mother came home. i tried to help out today and fold clothes for her. but nope, she comes home and screams at me for doing it. i'm sick of her always yelling at me for the shit i do. honestly, i'm pretty good compared to some kids i know. i'm not into drugs or shit, i'm doing decent in school, and i want to do something with my life. thats way more than a lot of people i know can say. i apparently do nothing right, and my mother thinks that i'm doing drugs. last week when i went into the emergency room, the first thing she asked me was "what drugs are you taking to make you sick?" the first thing. and yesterday when i got sick and threw up, she asked me what drugs i'm taking again. i'm fucking sick of her shit. honestly i can't deal with her anymore.

i can not wait until i go to college, i swear i'm going as far away as possible. i want to be away from everything and start again. i'm so over everything.

all i need in my life is danielle and moles. and i frankly don't care about anything else right now.


which is a complete lie.

lets burn away our past and set this cruise control for crash

today i've had time to think.
which is probably what i needed. and i needed to think about where i stand in my life. honestly, i have no idea what i want to do with myself right now. i kind of wish there was a rewind button on life. so that i could rewind everything and start all over.
i don't understand why i get so attached, i guess you could say, to people. i mean yeah i like a lot of people, but there are quite a few people that i like more than others. and i was talking to my friend about it today and she said "oh well, you have to stop liking people that are older than you and are taken. its bad for your health." i agree with her. wanting something(one) that is out of your reach isn't good unless you know in the end you can get it(them).

i'm not a big fan of cliques, and i've been seeing them more and more wherever i hang out. i'm the kind of person that tries to be friend with everyone, but it's kind of hard to do when you have bitchy cliques around you. so i try and stick with my friends, but it never works out in the end. can't people just deal with each other? you don't have to like them a lot or anything, just deal with each other. cliques cause drama, and drama causes broken friendships. which sucks.

whatever, i kind of want to go to sleep for a while. actually, no i want to go on a vacation where i don't know anyone at all. to somewhere nice. with a mix of people, that get along. if anyone knows where i can find that, let me know.

oh my. + today

i forgot that someone is coming back in a month or so.
i honestly have no idea how i'm gonna deal with it. which sucks so bad. and i'll probably end up throwing myself into the same ditch that i was in last year at the same time. and i'm not sure how that's gonna go.

hopefully well. hopefully.

today- was boring. i am mucho tiredo and i need to stop school. thanks. :]

<3

this weekend.

this weekend was one of the best yet. i honestly can say that i love each and every person on the 2008 spring antioch team. i was kind of iffy about it first, and im not a big fan of all the drama, but in the end we all pulled it together. this weekend was amazing; from windows that were just a little too small, overloading on starbursts, the "woo hoo" group, judi being a bitch as usual, and sneaking around like always (and a bunch of candidates that we wanted to vote off the island). i got soooo much closer with a bunch of people, and i'm so happy that i had the ability to do that. i'm gonna miss the seniors so much, they made such a difference in my life.
the might not think so, but they have. they are three of the best people that i know, and i am so happy that i have gotten to know them, even if for 6 months.

i love all of you guys, thank you<3

wow..

i can honestly say that since march 20th nothing has happened
whatsoever.

my life is horribly boring.
actually, scratch that. i went to the jonas brothers concert on the 22nd
and did something illegal on the 29th. good life.

but, yeah my life it at a standstill right now until summer. i hate working, i hate school.
i can not wait until june 13.

thank you.

okay wow this week

has been so work-filled.
thank god i'm on break, cause i so need it.
i've been spending a ridiculous amount of time in church.
and the new panic at the disco cd completes my life. for real.

:hey moon, please forget to fall down. hey moon, don't you go down:

i'm looking forward to a most amazing aaaaaaaaah next few days.
:] sosososo excited. i'll try to post as much as i can, i know i've been slacking.

but, hell, nobody reads this shit. :]

love the life you've got.

so this week has been stressful

and i havent had time to write.
i know what i want to do with my life, and i think i know my purpose.
i was meant to help people, i do it all the time.
i am constantly helping people that need my help, or any help for that matter.

thursday- nada happened
friday- jessies sweet16, it was so much fun. and i helped someone
saturday- lockin with my youth group, it was so much fun and i love every single one of them. they're some of the best people i know. good times, good times.
sunday- finished lockin and went to stations. learned some fun stuff, and i'm obvious awesome ;]

but i'm happy with my life (almost all of it, minus one thing) right now
:]<3

i lost my phone.

i hate my life.
joeseeeeeeeeeeph makes me really happy. i love that kid sososo much.
not even funny.
good night, minus me losing my phone

i realized that i have it good.

i don't know why i need to complain about anything.
i have it good compared to some people out there. people are living on the streets, with no clothes and no possessions.
i know that i really can't complain about not having someone that loves me in the way i want, because some people out in the world have nobody at all.
i'm truly grateful for what i have been given and what opportunities i have.
and i'm going to make the most of them.

i need to show my true potential. i know what i can do, and i need to work for it.

having said that, i'm off to study chem before i go to bed.

i miss being somebody's baby

i don't know what i want from anyone anymore.
i'm kindof thinking that i'm going to take anything that i can get now.
i'm open, i'm vulnerable, and i'm selfless.
i don't know what i want to, and i will do anything to please someone.
i know that i should be able to live life to the fullest that i can, but i'm not.
i want to go out and get so messed up that the only memory i will have is what people tell me.
i want to live with no cares, but i can't do that when i'm trying to please people all the time.
i aim to please, but i'm not pleased with myself.
am i contradicting myself?

music is my escape.
i can sit here and listen to the same song over and over and it will have a different meaning to me each and every time i listen to it.

i want to changed the world, and i don't know how i can do it. so don't give up on my just yet.

"i'm broke but i will bend for you and i'll be strong enough for the both of us if you need me to. and if given the chance i will prove that this is real. your beauty is truth and i'm starting to feel like i need you. we can share my cigarettes as we walk through town. or i can hold you on the floor and we won't have to make a sound. i move too fast and i get attached to all the things that i lack but maybe that's good, i'm starting to feel like i need you."

i want love

i want to able to have someone that i can walk down the beach with holding hands.
i want to not have a care in the world, because the person i love is holding me.
i am so afraid that i will never get that. i try, and every time i try it seems that i get shut down.

things happen, and people change.
for the better? not so much.
i don't particularly like it, but what can i do about it?
there are some people that i haven't seen in my life that i know would be better people. and they haven't changed in my life since i've known them..
i hate that i get so close to people and think that they're friends with me, and then they turn around and start doing everything without me.

i don't want to be a whiny bitch about everything, because bottom line is: i'm still alive and i'm not really going through any pain in a huge way.
i have nothing that i need to complain about.
i read something before that made me think, and smile.

"Love your life. Every last bit of it.. the good, the bad, the rain, the kissing, the movies, the books, the pretty lights, the runny noses, and water hoses. Shopping malls, and the magic of pen on paper. How you can make words appear as if from nowhere. How you can find love and how love can find you. Nights alone and afternoons with friends. The busiest, most annoying, lackluster day of your life and the fact that you made it through in one piece. Being able to laugh that day off when a worse one comes your way. Sight, sound hope, and the feeling of your feet on the ground. Love it all, because you only get one."

i love it. and i don't hate my life or anything. i'm just not happy with it. i can't complain at all though.

i need to sort out my life.
my mother said i'm unprepared for life, and i agree with her now. even though i fought with her about it before.
i need to know what i'm doing in my life.

ps- he makes me smile without trying. its kind of ridiculous. i'll get over it in a few weeks though, like i always do. its a bad habit i'm trying (not so much) to break.

sorry

i've been so tired and worn out so i havent been up late to post
or i've forgot about it until im laying down in my bed half asleep.

things have been okay the past few days. nothing important.
nothing worth writing about.
my life is a boring story. i need a good plot.

i hate this.

my parents are on my ass about school.
im really stressed right now, and i don't need the all up in my shit about how i need to do this and that.
i can't stand them right now, and i wish i didn't have to deal with them.
90% of my friends are really shitty right now, and i hate it.

i wish i could go to california, or myrtle beach, or florida.
somewhere with a beach that i could live on.
i'd kill to get out new jersey, literally.

this weekend was interesting

and church filled. whatever. over it.

and i wish that i could say i still like you, but for some reason you strike me as an asshole now.
:[ and it sucks, but i'll deal.

i am, as nicole said, a non-practicing whore.
and thats why i love her.

it hurts but it might be the only way.....

im just gonna become a whore.
i will never get the person i want.
its useless for me to try.
blahblah.
i can set people up, but i cant do it for myself.
ughguhguhguguughugguguguguhughgg
jakgkljadgfkjagfkjhfdagdf

look around

yesterday was fun
I love my youth group and I love him.
today was boring, nothing too exciting excepty parents bitching to me.
I hate that so much whatever I deal with it
I'm going in early. night<<3

<3

All I know is you're not here to say, what you always used to say, but it's written in the sky tonight.
rip ms. sellers<33

i had a revelation today

while driving with my dad back from my grandmothers house.
this little church on valley road had a sign that read "live in the world, don't live with the world"
i thought about it, and realized that it was saying is that you need to be yourself in a world where people are trying to fit in with others.
being yourself is better than anything you could do.
i realized that all that i need to do is be myself.
i don't need anything else as long as i can be myself and let other people know me for who i am, not who i want to be.

all i need to be is myself. life is fabbity fab fab. :]

hopefully i can do something that i've wanted to do for a while now. maybe not, im not sure.
im too indecisive. i hate that about myself.
one minute i'll be wanting to do something, but then the next i'll be backing out of it.

i'll figure out everything as soon as i need to.

c'est la vie

ps- sue me cuz i haven't posted in two days. nothing worth writing about happened.

I get by with a little help from my friends

im gonna try with a little help from my friends

nothing too exciting has happened, i need a to make a big descision asap
or i know nothing will happen

ill do whatever it takes

"youve gotta love yourself before you ever love me"


im working on that the best that i am capable to
i want to love you but i need to love myself first

toooooday

has been really boring, and i have done nothing worth writing about.

"i want to wish for something new, this is the scariest thing i've ever done in my life, who do we think we are?"

you make me feel like i've never felt before

i don't know what i want to do with you...

the only thing you knew was true has just walked out of your life, how does it feel?

i wonder will you care when i’m gone
and it’s done and i’ve really had enough
and i’m sorry for the trouble 
it’s been costing us so much
splitting apart is getting harder to tell what you want

tonight

was good. 

sweet 16 was a lot of fun.

danced, danced, danced, wooooo baby

so i wrote this today for a class, and it got me thinking.

My ideal self-image is to be taller and skinnier, and to look like everyone else. I want to be like other people. My ideal image is different from my real self because I am not that much like other people. I’m tall, but not tall enough. I’m not skinny enough to be considered thin like other people. My hair is thick and curly, and to get it to the way I want it I have to blow dry and straighten it. I have to put on makeup for my face to look the way I want it to look, like other people. Control over one’s body works like a security blanket because if you can control the way that you want to look, you can make yourself look how ever you want. If you have the money to buy expensive makeup to make yourself look better, you can do that. If you have the money to ever surgically make yourself better, you can do that in society today. People think that they need to be like everyone else, even I think that. But I wouldn’t change too much of myself to be like everyone else.

Discovering your real self can be hard, and many people struggle to find their real selves. I know that I used to have a problem with finding my real self, because the people all around me also had problems finding their real selves. The person that other people wanted to be was stereotype “pretty”. Skinny, tall, blonde hair and tan. I was giving in to what my friends wanted to be, and I thought that I wanted to be the stereotype as well. I realized that I had to be comfortable with myself before anyone else could be comfortable with me. I am much more comfortable with myself than I had previously been, and it has helped me in many ways. I’m still not what I’d like to be, but I’m slowly getting there. 

if everyone always worries about how other people are going to see them, how are they going to do what they wanna do? if people are so worried about themselves, are they going to be able to focus on the other people around them? when you're secure with yourself, others are secure with you too. it's easier to be yourself around someone that you can trust to be themselves. being myself has been hard, because the last time that i told someone who i really was, he denied me. not exactly, but a while after he knew everything about me, he turned away from me. i lost a really good friend, and i thought it was because i was being myself. so i kept (that part of) myself hidden from other people because i didn't want to lose another good friend again.  he knew the real me, and i guess he just couldn't deal with it. i honestly don't know what happened. but i know that it was the worst thing in my life. he tried to help me when nobody else was there, and then he turns his back on me. i lost a best friend because of the real me, and i have a problem with letting people know who i really  am ever since. i've had people hate me for what i say when i'm just trying to fit in, just trying to do what i thought people wanted to hear from me. i can't stop thinking about loosing a best friend and it sucks. i've been betrayed horribly and i've been screwed over too many times by too many different people. i have a problem opening myself up to people because i'd want anything but this to happen again. 

and tonight, i feel that i opened myself up too much. i think that i let people know too much about me, and it worked to my disadvantage. i wish that i hadn't tried to be who they wanted me to be. i wanted to be someone different in high school, and it seems that i'm turning out to be the same person that i didn't want to be almost two years ago. i tried to work on it, but it's always gonna fall down to be the same thing. people change. and i hate change, its the thing that i hate the most. change can make a person a monster, and believe me i know that. for a fact. i don't know any of the people that i used to know. i just want someone to love me for me. 

i want to learn how to seize the day and live my life to the fullest. i want to be confident with who i am. i want to be happy with myself. i don't want to live a life with lies following me around. i need someone that feels the same way i do. 

you can't be missed if you never go away..

so, today was valentines day. and i didn't have a valentine again. 

i'm used to it. i don't mind. 

the person that i'd want to be my valentine isn't here anyway. 

i still have my el toro. (hah :|)

i don't know, i want something like all my friends have. its not gonna happen. 

i want to walk around and hold hands with someone, thats what i miss. i don't care about anything else. i just wanna be loved. 

i'd give anything to be with you right now, or to talk to you.

i think that the only way i'd get over you is if you went away for a long time.

last summer, kyle went away to college. i wanted to tell him how i felt. but i didn't. 

i was too scared of his reaction. i was so upset in myself, and i wanted to let him know.

i thought every time i went somewhere, he was gonna be there. 

and i cried every night until i realized he wasn't gonna be around.

and it sucked, honest. i thought i'd go visit him like i wanted to.

nothing ever happened, and i never got my time with him. 

my perfect time with him down the shore. didn't happen. 

"it's the end of a broken heart, i went on without you" 

he was gonna come back for winter break. he did. i wasn't here to see him.

he apparently didn't ask about me, so it wasn't anything special. 

i really do miss him, and i haven't fully gotten over him.

he's always gonna be there in my heart somewhere. 

i'm afraid that you're gonna find out, and then you're gonna leave me too.

so i'm not gonna tell you until i figure out what to do.

i want to be like everyone else. i want to be prettier. i want to be funnier.

i want to be loved. 

i'd rather be friends with you then have you leave me altogether. 

even if you're the biggest asshole, i can't forget about you. you'd have to leave me for a long time. 

and even then you're still gonna be there. 

and maybe i do want you to figure it out, and i can (possibly) have something stable in my life.

i think it would work out. 

we'd be funny. 

but i don't think that you'd want me, when you could have someone else. 

i give enough love, i just want some of it back from somebody. 

my friend's in the same boat, and i feel exactly the way he feels. 

i just don't publicize it. i keep it inside and smile.

what else am i supposed to do? 

"i dont want the world to see me, cuz i don't think that they'd understand.."

ps, i miss you a lot. 

feeling as good as lovers can

"back to the street, back to the place, back to the room where it all began, hey back to the room where it all began"

i want to go back to every night of the last two months. 

i miss it. i miss you. 

and i know what i want now, and i'm okay with it.

you'll just never know. 

"now i know what i mean" 

i always trip on my clumsy heart

im so glad break is in 3 days. i need it so bad.

i need something so bad. 

i hate thinking, but i do too much of it. 

"and they talked alot today and he said some cute things and she doens't know if she should tell him"

definition of my life. thank you caroline. 

today.

today wasn't too eventful.

i think i wanna be his friend first before i go into anything too deep. 

something will work out eventuallyyyyyyyyy. 

i love my friends, and i wouldn't trade them for the world.

i actually did all of my homework for school, im trying harder now.

i cant wait for antioch and sweet16s. im so excited. :]]]]]

im so tired, so sorry its not long. 

lovelovelovelove, me<3

4 days

i think the last time i updated was friday? possibly.

but friday was eventful, my dog had surgery and i was at my grandmas house practically all day.

saturday, i fought with my family so i could go to the cast reunion party at carolines. i won and i went to the party a little later after i left the family party that i was at. 

the cast party was a lot of fun, and i miss doing the drama with everyone. i realized that i dont want to give up on him, but i thought i did. 

i figured that being his friend is a good first step.  

sunday, was good. 

i went to church and saw 2 cute guys, (hahah in church nonetheless). i feel bad for my dog, because shes been moping around the house and can't really move or do anything active.

so ive been sitting with her and chilling with her a lot. 

i decided that i'd let him do whatever he needed to do to get over his ex, and then an amazing thing happened. 

his status on facebook was "verysingle" and i died.

hes over his ex, and hopefully something will happen. im still gonna be his friend first and see where that takes me. 

after i was in a good mood, i went to antioch team meeting. 

i love the kids there, they're all so amazing. i got my prayer partner and ill be praying for him through lent and during the team process. 

i have to do a prayer service for antioch, im a greeter, im gonna be doing some icebreakers, and im also a share/sleep group facilitator.

i really can't wait for it to start. im super excited. 

so thats whats been up in my life. 

im trying to do better, i really am. 

rip#2<3

the past 2 days

all i've done is sleep, eat (barely), be sick, and do my school work. 

it sucks and i hate it.

but i realized something. 

that i don't need to like you anymore.

i think it was a one time thing, and if anything would have happened (which i highly doubt) 

it would have ended up like the last fly-by fling i had. shitty and we don't talk anymore

but now i'm glad we can (s)talk to (each)other on facebook. 

and maybe i'll see you at panera some time soon? ;D

ive been so sick

the past few days so i havent updated.

sorry :[

but i've just been sick and more sick and fun. woo

but im on team for antioch and on crew.

its gonna be a lot of work but i think i can do it.

lkfdg :] january 31, 2008

last night/yesterday was interesting.
wooooooooooooo. yeah i was sick
i went to dancing with the stars. yeah fun life.

mm, i love my life

and the people in it.
i'm gonna start trying harder and push myself more.
i actually did some homework today.
and i'm getting better with peopleeee. and yeah.
i love it.
eeeeeeeeeeh, im happy right now. :]
i don't care about any boys, whatever happens happens.

oops, last night. jan 29, 2008

last night my computer wasn't working.
i hate being confused, i'm not too sure what to do.

eek, i miss my drama people. even scott.

i miss

everyone so much.
and i'm pissed off at my parents for not letting me do the other 2 plays.
it's the only thing that i have going for me.
taking something away from me isn't going to make me want to do better. i mean really.
why would you think that?
i like you a lot, but i also like you.
idk i get mixed signals from you, you're an asshole sometimes but i like it.
and i dont know how to take it.
and i like you, you're fun to flirt with and i get confused.

i'd rather go out with #, but then again * is a good choice too.
i'm mixed up and i have no idea how to deal with it.

i kind of hate it. but i like it.

the past 2 days have been

the best 2 days of my life.
i love all of my drama friends, the show was amazing.
you guys are my favorite people ever, and i'm gonna miss this show so much even though a week ago i said how i couldn't wait for it to be over.
i'm kind of falling more and more for you. and it sucks, cuz i don't know how you feel about me.
and yeah, i like it like that.
i'll figure this out eventually. :]

but really, i love all of you guys. you're so amazing.
<3

tonight was..

so amazing.
i love my theater guys/girls. and i love **** for making me laugh my ass off.
i'm not sure about him though. eh, i don't care. i'm going for it.
whatever it is.
i'll take a chance i guess. :]]]

can't wait for tomorrow night

i think im on another planet with you

i've been listening to blink all day.
i'm at a good place right now, besides my family.
i can't stop getting shit at home.

past week.

this week has been really busy.
i've been working on the play hardcore lately.
and i really don't even remember anything thats happened this past week.
i like him, but i don't think he likes me.
i want to give up and i probably will sooner or later.
i love my friends, and my life is really good right now.
i wouldn't trade it.

idk

blah, i dont know what to think about with you anymore.
i like you a lot, but for some reason i dont think you like me.

alright, i overthink things.
maybe i'll tell you soon? i'm not sure.
whatever

today was bad.
i didn't like it.
i slept a lot.

:D

i like you a lot.
you're cute, and i like how you play the guitar.
the guitar is nice, and you singing is nice.
ithinkwewouldbecutetogether.
i shared my vitamin water with you. :]

oops.

today was boring. studied for chem
found out someone was gay.
laughed a lot

so heres the deal

i thought today was going to suck.
it didn't at all.
today was so amazing.
i lvoe my youth group.
im crushing on this kid. and its cute, hes adorable.
and eeeeeeeeeek. i love my friends, i love everyone.
im so done with midterms.
i'm so done with you and your gay lifestyle and i mean that in all senses of the word. ;]

i'm ready for something big to come my way, and i'm ready to take it.

you know what,

you're a fucking asshole.
tell me that i was a rebound and meant nothing.
you said it in the nastiest way possible.
to think that i was gonna harm myself because of you, to think that i fucking cried over you.
i don't want you in my life anymore. i want to cut you from it cold turkey.
you're obviously a little kid, because calling me a jerk then signing off is SUCH a mature thing to do.
i mean fucking seriously.
you're an asshole, i hope you fucking die in an explosion or some shit like that.
i don't give a fuck if you say that you're nice and shit.
you're fucking not. at all.
have fun trying to get with my friend, because she knows how fucking creepy you are and she would never touch you.
not with a 10 foot pole.

i hate you for being my first. you have no idea how disgusting i felt.
dickhead.

and c, i think you're cute. people say you're worse than him. i don't believe it.
you're chill and i'm your favorite.
i don't give a crap if you know i was flirting with you, i want you to know.
i want to talk to you more. let's go do it.
and i looooooove how you have your hair chemically relaxed.
its amazing. let's makeout in the chairs.

mixed day much?

lovely.

today fucking sucked.
i can't take it anymore.

i know that.

i know that i'm better than you,
better than this.
i need something stable in my life for once.
it would be incredibly nice to know what's going on.
i'd like a solid answer to the questions that i have, not a "oh lets play it by ear"
i hate that more than anything that people can't give me a straight answer.
is there something that i'm doing wrong?!
cause if there is, can you please let me know.

today was nice. i spent time with my family.
i love it.

lovelovelove<3

asshole vs. jackass

today was a lot of fun.
little kids are adorable and i love them.
you're a complete asshole, but it's adorable. and i love it.
i could see myself with you.

and the jackass, no i can't believe that you're gonna go out with my friend.
"i wanna know more about you so we can be wicked close"
it's not gonna happen.
when you think i'm talking to you online and being nice, i'm being the biggest asshole in the world.
but you're so fucking stupid that you don't understand it.
smartass.

i'm kind of glad

that some other girl is going to get in your pants.
because i didn't want to be your slut.
i still think you're an asshole.
last monday completely sucked to tell you the truth, and for real i wouldn't do it again.
yeah you're gonna go out with her but we can still be "mad tight" right?
cuz you know that i believed you when you said we could be dating soon.
yeah. i did.
so way to be an asshole, and guess who's not gonna be "mad tight"?
me and you.

make it a dirt dancefloor again

nothing special happened today.
i can't wait for it to be summer.
i miss it so much, and to be honest i'd love to live in summer

oh, and you.
you make me feel weird.
stop undressing me with your eyes, stop calling me baby.
i really don't want it.

penguins are just so cute

i love my yg, they're so amazing.
tonight was good.
midterms are coming up soon, and i'm kind of nervous cuz i know i dont know a lot of it.
yeah, i have really amazing friends and im thankful they're in my life.

"i wanna tell you to stay inside the lines, but something's better on the other side"

:]

yeah, sorryyyyyyyyyyyy.

i shake everytime i talk to you, and i dont know if it's good or bad.
but i'm glad we cleared up everything.
i hope we did at least.

...

tonight you made me feel so disgusting
i felt horrible, and i definitely don't want to do it again
but i probably will to make you happy
you used to be nice and everything, but now you disgust me.
and it sucks, cause i actually like doing the plays.
now i'm gonna have to watch myself with you.
thank you for killing my trust

i'm slacking with posting

i keep forgetting to post after i type it all out. hah. oops. this is for sunday

I don’t understand what you want me to do

You change too much

I feel horrible when I talk to you online, but I know that you’re not like that in person

It sucks that you’re not the guy that I liked anymore

And it also sucks that I have barely slept in 4 days because of you

last night

sorry i didn't post yesterday
i had no time.

but i went to a sweet 16 and it was the most fun thing of my life. and the dj was hot. anywhooo
before that, it was good.
i'm getting pretty much all i want out of this kid.
thursday can't come fast enough.

lovelovelove

i've been waiting so long for your call

today was good.
i'm happy :]
i love it, but people confuse me sometimes.

all i want to do is talk to him.

:]

"i like it when you call me babe"

good day. good day

so, theres this boy...

theres this boy that makes me feel special.
and, i don't know if he knows it or not but he makes me so happy.
i honestly wouldn't care if i'm not the only girl he talks to like that, it makes me happy that he would actually do it.
he was the reason for the smile on my face almost all of today.

lovelovelove,
teresa

new years resolutions

1. be a better person
2. do all my schoolwork with total focus
3. find a boyfriend, or someone that i love
4. don't lie to anyone, about anything
5. actually follow up on things
6. be true to myself
7. spread my love

my day consisted of watching football and hannah montana, doing chemistry, and laying down. lovely.

my picture is on my camera, because the cord is MIA.

<3lovelovelove